I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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