Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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