i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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