just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
