love makes seman taste better
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
