Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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