Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
