when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize