Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
