there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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