last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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