Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Did I show you my penis last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
