In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
