Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
