Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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