Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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