Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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