Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
