the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
