I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
