Where is the hickey?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize