Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
