girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize