The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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