Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
