meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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