you traded sex for a burrito?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
