Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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