Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
