apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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