Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The uberlube is also flammable
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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