its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
