Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
