i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
its liver damage thursday
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
