new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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