I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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