i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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