He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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