Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
