drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
