whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
