Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
