I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
