I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
