I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All the doctor said was why
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
