are you so shy because you have an std?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
