Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
