My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
