I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
