My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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