He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Then you guys just all showered together...?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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