I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize