I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
tell me about the fingering
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