a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
