Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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