I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
