Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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