does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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