Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
