I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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