just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
