Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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