ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
