I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
