he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
