The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
