Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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