If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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