Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
